What Christians stand for.

We live in a world where we view snippets of news through the lens of our Facebook page. Lately, my Facebook page has been exploding with news about the Nashville statement.

This statement has started intense conversation about the path of Christianity in this day and age. It was met with criticism and agreement, with some people applauding it, and others denouncing the intentions. This article is my perception of the Nashville Statement, so let’s dig in.

First off, if you aren’t aware of the statement I urge you to read it before you read this. You can click the link below and gain a better understanding of what I am referencing.

Nashville Statement

The Nashville Statement is a doctrine released by a prominent group of Christian evangelicals outlining how they will address same-sex marriage, gender roles, and sexuality in the church. Included in this document is a petition which you can sign to affirm that you believe in their statements.

I believe this document was written with good intentions. I KNOW CRAZY! I believe these authors, pastors, and Christians thought this was the right direction to publicize their faith.

I do not however, understand how they could write this statement and believe that it would demonstrate the gospel we believe.

Perhaps these evangelicals wrote this pledge because they are scared. They are scared of the division that is eating it’s way into our churches. Maybe they believe that if they don’t set a clear standard for Christian practice then heretical thinking will run amuck in our churches. They want to set and adhere to a specific standard of Christianity.

To be fair, these points are valid. But there is a big problem with this tactic:

The problem is they have created a rhetoric which will further isolate and divide the Christian community. They have created a division between those who agree and those who disagree with their beliefs.

By writing this document they have erected a platform for hate, exclusion, and supposedly “right” vs. “wrong’ thinking. They have also decided, that if anyone opposes their beliefs they cannot call themselves a Christian. Ouch. (See Article 10).

It hurts me to read the names of the pastors who endorsed this statement. Pastors like Francis Chan, Matt Chandler, Tim Keller, and so many others. Pastors who are loving, generous and whole heartedly seek Christ in their daily life.

Despite this, I cannot look at this document and believe it comes from a place of love.

The reality is we have all contributed to a culture of hate. We live in a world where church people hide in their chapels, and atheists refuse to set foot in any religious ceremony. Where the LGBTQ community hates Christianity, and where Christians hate the LGBTQ community.

We have become dangerously divided.

We have spun a narrative that demonizes the “other.” That separates us all, and brings anger to the surface of our conversations. The Nashville statement, a political tool, has further divided our communities, and propelled us into our separate truths.

I am the first to admit that I may be wrong. That many Christians will read this article and shake their heads in shame. They will believe that I am a “lovey Christian hippie,” who does not understand the consequences of my actions.

But I would like to propose an alternative. An alternative to signing the Nashville statement and unearthing anger in our society.

I want to propose Jesus.

Jesus, a man who spent his life loving people where they were at, regardless of who they were. A man who didn’t write petitions, or stage protests, but instead lived out the gospel in his daily actions. A man who turned an atheist to a prophet, and a prostitute into a woman of virtue. A man who is and will forever be the definition of love.

I am sorry if you do not believe that love is the answer. I truly do.

I believe that now, more than ever, it is our responsibility as Christians to love people. Not by compromising our values, or hiding our beliefs, but through our actions. By laying down our discomfort and agenda, by simply loving people where they are.

Here’s the thing. You are allowed to agree with the tenants of the Nashville statement, I am not, and will not, tell you differently. That is your opinion, and you have a right to it.

But I urge you to decipher the intention behind this document. To see that by signing a petition, by pledging to a language of “affirm & deny,” you remove your ability to extend love and grace. By writing a petition and attacking others, we demonize those who need God’s love, and we isolate everyone from our faith.

This is not the first time that Christians have been divided. It is a well rehearsed and predictable troupe that dates back to Christ’s time on earth. We see this same division in the church of Ephesus. Paul wrote and begged them to unite under their faith.

“1 As a prisoner in the Lord, then, I urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling you have received: 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 and with diligence to preserve the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

4 There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.”  ~ Ephesians 4:1-6

I believe that Christians are better than this. We have to be better than this.

I believe now, more than ever, we need to unite as one. We must work together to bring love and understanding to this society. We must join together in faith, join together in mercy, or watch the gospel fade away.

Thanks for reading,

Lindsay, xxx


How to celebrate women today?

Ahhh, International Women’s Day. I’m a sucker for this day. I LOVE this day. I love the community it brings, and the reconciliation it holds.

On this day we all seem to pause, and it is beautiful. We take this moment to reflect on those women who have drastically influenced who we are, and have drastically influenced the culture we live in.

I love this day because it becomes a day of rest.

For some people it doesn’t seem to matter. And that’s okay, but I want to push back on that. Because I believe in the power of encouragement, and the power of community. And I think we all deserve a day of rest to encourage each other.

Walking through the world as a fierce, Christian feminist can become tiring. Some days you feel alone.  Every day you face battles of inequality. You notice the subtle notes of patriarchy in board rooms, in coffee shops, in every space that you exist. (You all know what I’m talking about).

It is exhausting.

But on Women’s Day we get to breathe. It feels like we all put down our swords for a day, and lay still. We reflect on how far we have come, and we rest with our sisters and know we are doing well.

We do not have these days by accident. We all recognize that our mothers, sisters, daughters, aunts, and friends have molded our view of women, and who we are.

And today we get to celebrate them! How exciting is that?

I grew up with many strong women who taught me how to be brave. They encouraged me to be bold, and stuck by me in my weak days.

I was profoundly changed by females who decided to work and mother, who pressed further instead of remaining complacent. I was told to stand up, push hard, and never allow someone else to define who I am.

I still remember the day a family friend told me to be a b**ch.

She said,

“In life you either lead, follow, or get out of the way. I believing that leading is the best way.”

She was, and still is, a force to be reckoned with.

There are many women in my life who inspire me daily. Each one has brought a new flavour of femininity, and it all cultivates into a beautiful mosaic of difference.

These women have allowed me to cultivate my passions, without fear of rejection. I am grateful for those who stepped up and took risks. They paved the way for me to become who I am today.

So here is what Women’s Day looks like for me. It means reaching out to those who have so profoundly changed me.

So I urge you guys. Take the day and reach out to those women who inspire you. Find the women who have cultivated and created your life, and simply say thanks.

We are powerful, and we are stronger as a community. If we gather together today, we can be stronger tomorrow. Don’t take this day for granted, celebrate those who inspire and love you. They are the ones who deserve praise.

When this day is over I will curl up with a Rupi Kaur poem, a cup of hot coffee, (or a glass of wine), and bask in the power of being a women.

I will celebrate the fierce force of who we are, and what we can create. Women are freaking amazing! We are POWERHOUSES, who do it all. We deserve a break!

Today, I encourage you to put down the swords, and rest. Knowing if we spend today encouraging, and loving each other, that tomorrow, when we start the fight again, we will be renewed as a community.

New Year, to be brave.

I enjoy writing about the new year. Turning the page on another chapter in our books, in our lives. Now some people would push back, and say that a new year doesn’t always mean change. They would argue that we should be changing, and adapting all the time.

I agree, but I also believe it’s human nature to need a push.

A new year brings that much anticipated push. With a new year we bring new beginnings. Just like a painter with a fresh canvas, we are given a fresh start. We take a moment to pause and on how to engage with our world in a better way.

I have never set physical New Years resolutions, they don’t seem that important to me. We can always improve our physical health, but I would argue it is harder to dig into our emotional health.

Sometimes we need an entire year to allow a concept, or a  belief to become habit. 

Last year my intention for 2017 was gratitude. To live with a grateful heart even in the uncertain parts of my life. I didn’t do this because I am a guru at living in thankfulness. I am quite the opposite, I LOVE having control.

I chose gratitude in 2017 because I was living in a place of uncertainty. I had been laid off, and I had no clue what to do. I had overwhelming student debt, an uncertain future, and no job. It was hard to see the good. I didn’t know God’s plan, and he definitely tested my patience as I was denied opportunity after opportunity.

In 2017 I learned that gratitude is a choice, not a reaction. I could surrender to my circumstances, or I could surrender to his. I chose his.  

Near the end of 2017 God gave me more than I expected. He gifted me with new friends, community, and challenges with my job at Youth One. The blessings have been overflowing, and my heart continues to be thankful for all I have.

(At least I’m trying too).

So now, we have a new challenge. A new concept I’d like to turn into habit for 2018. Get ready guys, this is a BIG one. It will probably take a lifetime, but I’m trying to set intentions towards it this year.

I would like to be more vulnerable.

I want to open up to the wilderness, the dark and the uncertain places in this world. I want to engage in tough conversation, and narrow the increasing division in our world.

In perfect timing I finished Brene Brown’s new book “Braving the Wilderness,” on December 31st 2017. It inspired this intention. If you haven’t read it, I would highly recommend! You can borrow it from me. Brene is all about living a vulnerable life.

Near the end of the book Brene unpacks this concept of “soft front, strong back.”

You’re probably thinking, what does this mean? Don’t worry I will explain it, I know, shocker!

The concept of “soft front, strong back,” challenges us to develop an inherent sense of self worth. For me this is my validation through Christ, through his unyielding love and control in my life. For others it might be something different. Whatever it is, whatever you believe, it enables you to conquer the world without fear.

This is the “strong back” part.

Now for the “soft front.” This “soft front,” enables you to emphasize and love others without their hateful words, misused facts, or complaints impacting who you are.

To summarize, it is finding validation in yourself outside of anyone else.

It is the ability to love others, without it impacting your self worth. 

Wow. Can you imagine a world where we are all confident in our worth? To the point where we are unshakeable in our resolve? How much fear would dissolve, and how many doubts would be dismissed? How much division would be diffused, and hurt would turn to love?

This concept is something I have attempted in my life. I think I’m alright at it.

It is my ability to balance being a feminist and also serve in a conservative church. It is my willingness to engage with those who hold completely opposite beliefs. It is my resolve in being who I am.

Yes, I have slightly lived this out. But more so in the “strong front, strong back,” capacity. The way I don’t let people too close, and control others perceptions of me. This strength doesn’t allow vulnerability. I can connect with people but only through my thinly veiled strength and confidence.

When I read Berne’s concept of “soft front, strong back,” my bubble burst. I realized I was living my life with protected vulnerability.

So, in 2018, I want to do better. I know we can do better. I will try to live in the scary place of vulnerability, knowing others cannot impact who I am.

I want to live with arms outstretched, palms open, willing to catch whatever comes my way, the good, the ugly, the sadness, the pain, and the joy.

In 2018 I would like to be brave. I hope you’ll be brave with me. The world could use more vulnerability

Thanks for reading,

xxx, Lindsay


Eliminate girl hate.

In our culture, women learn from a young age the value of comparison. It is a strange reality, to live in a sex that is divided rather than united. We are taught through a lot of mainstream media that our fellow sisters are our competition.

We start early, when we shame a women for their body type, or when we criticize another women’s belief in a career over marriage. These are subtle behaviours and words, but they are present nonetheless.

These behaviours, and ideas conclude to form an idea called “Girl Hate.” That is the idea that women are pitted against each other rather than supportive, that we thrive on hate rather than love. It lives when we view other women as opponents, rather than allies in the fight for equality.

You see Girl Hate invades many facets of our life. It is in gossip magazines that compare woman in “Who wore it better,” pitting two women against each other and judging them based on appearances. We don’t talk about the movies these ladies produced, or the characters they play, no, we talk about how one wore scrappy sandals and the other flats. We reduce women to cultural cliches.

Another way we see Girl Hate is in the concept of “frenemy,” that you have friends, who are simultaneously your enemies, because you are competing with them. We see this in movies like “Mean Girls,” which encourages women to fight with each other. Don’t get me wrong, Mean Girls is a hilarious movie, but the concepts inherent are terrifyingly true.

Simply put, Girl Hate is the idea that women must always be competing against each other. We are already subjected to criticism about our bodies, our goals, our aspirations, our views, in the mainstream media. But then we become divided because we obsessively measure and compare one another’s success.

But there is good news ladies. The concept of “Girl Hate,” is becoming a big part of the feminist narrative. I am happy to say that most women are recognizing Girl Hate and it’s negative influence in our lives. We are starting to build a united front, celebrating our differences rather than dividing because of them.

I see the elimination of Girl Hate in my generation every day. In women who uplift and support their friends, rather than compare.

I see it through women who support all body types, rather than uplifting one type as the ideal. I see it in women who laugh at the “thigh gap,” because they find it absurd to change your body to fit one type. In women who celebrate and uplift diversity in their life, and in their female relationships.

I am lucky to have and live with women who celebrate their differences. I have friends who can’t wait to start their career, friends who want to travel, but also friends who can’t wait to be mothers. I have friends who are dedicated to Science, and others who are dedicated to Artistry. Women who are comfortable in traditional gender roles, but are supportive of women who want to escape them, and vice versa.

I know women who love to bake, but women who love to fish. Women who climb mountains, and women who love to crochet. I also know women who do both of these, women who are feminine, but can also build a kick ass fire.

I know women who support and advocate for feminism, just as strongly as I do. I know  women who instead choose to support and advocate for poverty prevention in our cities.

I know women from diverse backgrounds, with diverse beliefs, and strong ideas. The point is these women accept and love their unique self, rather than compare themselves to others.

I believe in the power of uplifting others, and in standing alongside your friends in their success. I believe in women that love themselves, and then love each other. If feminism has taught me anything, it is that we are stronger together. That we must recognize our privilege, but also work to fight for those who don’t have it.

We must continue this narrative because ladies, we are doing well. We are having these conversations, to encourage diversity in our movement. Feminists around the world are working together to uplift and encourage other women, from many walks of life.

I am surrounded by women who live this concept every day. Women who support each other in their differences, rather than letting those differences divide them.  I am loved by women who know that if we step forward together, united, we can change this world. I sure hope we do, and I sure hope that someday soon we can eliminate Girl Hate.

Thanks for reading,

Lindsay, xxx

Click here for more information about campaigns against Girl Hate, and grab a cute t-shirt! 🙂



What it’s like to be single on Valentines Day.

Today is the day to celebrate love. It is also the day to annoy all singles and become the most cheesy and romantic couple possible. Today is the day where you prove your love through social media. You can’t be in love and not declare it on Instagram. 😉

Don’t worry this post is not about mocking couples. Although we all know that’d be highly amusing. This post is simply my thoughts about this strange holiday.

Despite my best efforts I will probably come off as the bitter, single, lonely person who hates Valentines day because they aren’t in a relationship. Honestly I don’t really care if that’s what you perceive.

The truth is I really love Valentines Day.

I’ve never been in a relationship on Valentines Day. I always take the Christmas exit, or the early escape route. I’m not the best with commitment, and I seem to have the worst timing.

Because of my commitment issues I enviably celebrate Valentines Day with my friends. Honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way. These Valentines memories are my favourite, because I know they are fleeting.

One day I will meet someone who I didn’t dump after 3 months. One day I will be celebrating with a boyfriend, or husband, because that is what you do. When that day happens I will miss my Galentines memories. They are pretty great.

One year my housemates and I celebrated Valentines day with homemade cards. We all took the time to sit down, decorate Valentines mailboxes, and make each other homemade cards. It is years later and I still have these cheesy notes riddled with positive affirmations.

Another year my single girlfriends and I rented out a back room at a restaurant. We dressed up, ate a a beautiful dinner, and exchanged stories about our worst dates.

Last year my dear friend hosted a “Galentine’s brunch,” where everyone gathered around mimosas, pancakes, and an insane amount of syrup.

These memories are my favourite. Because all too often we forget about the importance of our friendships. We don’t celebrate the friend who picked us up on the side of the road when our car broke down. We don’t affirm the friend who told us we were beautiful after that boy broke our heart. We don’t celebrate the simple act of a hug, or a prayer when a roommate has a bad day.

I know that Valentines Day is primarily for that “real” love. The mushy kind that encompasses physical, emotional, and spiritual realms.

I think all too often we forget about the other loves in our life.

So this year on Valentines day I get to remember my other loves. I get to celebrate another year with friends.

This year, like every year in the past, I am celebrating this day in the arms of friends. I will spend my day with the people I admire the most. The incredibly strong, beautiful, and intelligent women I’ve surrounded myself with. The women who affirm my dreams, my goals, and my crazy aspirations. The women who love and care for me when I don’t care for myself.

The way I see it is simple.

I have the rest of my life to celebrate with a husband. Right now I have the absolute privilege of stuffing my face with pizza, drinking wine, and cuddling with my friends. We will laugh, cry, complain bitterly, but ultimately we will be together.

This year my Valentine’s are my friends. They don’t fulfill all my desires, but I’m lucky to have them.

Thanks for reading,

Lindsay, xxx

New Year, New what?

At the beginning of the year we are told what our resolutions should be. People will tell you to get thinner, get a gym membership, get a job, get a goal, get a pet, get a girlfriend/boyfriend, get a promotion, get an iPhone and the list goes on and on.

The problem with these resolutions is they are all get, get, get.

I would like to propose something else. What if we spend our New Year, our fresh start, in gratitude? To be grateful for what we have, to be happy about another year on this earth.

My 2016 year, was not so bad. Sure there were ups and downs but for the mostly my year was spent in happiness.

I started January of 2016 sharing my story at a Young Adults conference. I essentially stood up in front of strangers and spoke about my failures, my fears, and my insecurities.

It was incredibly intimidating, but also incredibly freeing. I let go of the person I was, and became the person I am today. I started the year anew.

I am grateful for that experience because I started 2016 seeped in vulnerability. This led to a year that was overflowing with honest, authentic, relationships. It all started with letting go of the past, and moving into my present.

In 2017 I would love to develop a spirit of thanksgiving. A spirit of focusing on what I do have, rather than what I don’t. I want to push away the everyday worries. The bills I have to pay, the doctors appointments I go to, the responsibilities. I want to live in the present, with a lens of gratitude leading my way.

I would like to develop and enhance the genuine friendships I have. To dig a little deeper into their stories. To pray together, cry together, love together, be involved in genuine community. I want to be grateful for the people God has blessed me with.

This year I am experiencing a season of uncertainty. I don’t know where my path is heading. What I do know is if I enter this year with a spirit of gratitude then God can and will bless me.

This does not mean I can be apathetic. It  does not mean I can sit on the couch, watching daytime TV, eating chocolate, and someone will hand me my dreams.

No. In 2017 I will look for opportunities to develop and enhance who I am. I will work to be grateful for what I have, and be grateful for the opportunities that come to me. 

I believe we can all be more humble. To live with our hands open wide, palms up, waiting for what God can drop into our existence. I hope in 2017 I will release my fists. Instead of clenching, and controlling, I hope to relinquish my life gratefully.

I know that in 2017 God will do powerful things.

For some of us 2017 will be a period of intense sadness, it will be a period of pruning. Of being stripped down to our bare branches, and feeling hollow. This season will hurt. But only then can we change who we are, only then can we experience healing.

For others 2017 will be a season of ripening, of our branches opening wide with plentiful fruit. We will experience many joys, and our branches will dip because they are laden with fruit. We will experience life affirming highs. You folks are pretty lucky.

For most 2017 will be a period of learning. Of some branches being stripped, and others being laden with fruit. We will have periods of loss, and periods of happiness. Periods where we are teaching, periods where we are being taught. Periods of ease and periods of discomfort. For most 2017 will be a year of profound teaching.

This year, despite which year you have, I challenge you to be grateful. I find it is only in the spirit of gratitude that my hands are outstretched and ready for challenges. When I am grateful I learn the most, because I am humble enough to admit that I need pruning.

I don’t believe 2017 is a time for gym memberships, promotions, material consumption, boyfriends/girlfriends. If those come your way take them, but realize that only through a spirit of gratitude will you learn to become everything you to need to be. Only through gratitude can we improve as human beings.

Thanks for reading,

Lindsay, xxx

The Single Myths; Confidence

So I am single. I don’t view this as a bad place to be. Despite this, as I’ve journeyed through life I constantly receive criticisms about this simple fact. I don’t blame people for that, we live in a culture that uplifts single-hood. But I’d like to combat that.

This is my first post in a series I’d like to call, “The Single Myths.” In these articles I will write about the good, the bad, and the ugly of singleness. These posts will not only focus on acceptance, but embracing the single life as a blessing.

I do not believe that being single is always the right place to be. Everyone is at different stages in their life. I just want to offer a different perspective to the single life. I, like many others, desire a partnership. Despite this need I have come to a simple conclusion.

Right now, I am happy being single.

The first myth of single life is the one I encounter the most. The myth is; if you are confident alone then you aren’t open to partnership.

First off, I don’t even know where this idea came from. Essentially you are stating, “you love yourself too much, and because of that no one else can love you!” Right? This sounds so absurd! How does that even work?

I know that confidence is an important quality to have. It enables you to move through the world with value. Confidence is sexy. And not in a “look how hot she is,” way. No. Confidence is sexy because it is a skill.

Confidence is not natural. It has to be developed, just like any other enviable trait. At the core of humanity is this need for community. So naturally we want to please others. Thereby confidence can be a hard skill to manage.

Despite this, I believe it is an important skill to learn. You can gain confidence in a relationship, but it is easier when you are single. When you are single you have time to build your own self esteem, because let’s face it, you are alone.

Let’s get one critique out of the way. Because I am sure some of you think this is completely wrong. But I want to emphasize. Confidence is not arrogance. These two are easily confused. Arrogance is affiliated with importance and pride. Confidence is loving who you are, warts and all.

So let’s talk about what confidence in singleness can bring you.

First off, confidence brings validation in yourself. It allows you to be brave. It forces you to approach the world with an “arms open” mentality. Some of the greatest chapters in my story happened after I took a huge risk. This takes a lot of confidence.

When you believe in yourself, you can become the best version of yourself. It is difficult to enter a partnership when your glass is half full. It must be overflowing with love, so you have enough to give it to another person.

If you enter a relationship, and have no validation, you will place your significance in your partner. You will only feel loved, accepted, confident when they build you up. It is not your partners job to validate you. You must find self-love on your own.

I’ve been told by countless people that my confidence is “intimidating.” They take a trait that should be admirable; and shape it into something negative. THIS INSULT IS A MYTH. If your partner can’t handle you, they are not the right person for you.

Confidence is making a conscious decision to love yourself. It doesn’t negate emotional intelligence. We all have flaws. Confidence works in spite of those weaknesses.

Confidence does not negate need, we all need to be loved. It is incredibly important to surround yourself with community through friends and family. Especially when you are single. We all crave love, confidence builds that love.

Confidence does not mean you are prideful. I am confident that I talk too much, distrust people, am terrible with money, and will always be late. I know I have many weaknesses to work on.

My argument is simple. Confidence brings empowerment. When you are alone, you only have yourself. So you have to learn to love every part of yourself.

I know that confidence leads to believing in your skills. It leads to a healthy, well rounded life. It allows you to whole heartedly love others. It allows you to ask for that well deserved promotion, to demand more respect, to say no when you are worn out. Confidence is the first step to getting closer to your goals.

I vote we get rid of this idea of “intimidation.” It is just another way for people to bring you down. Another back handed insult, when in reality, you are confidently living out your life now.

We live in a society that profits from insecurities. What would happen if we said, “screw it, I am going to live in singleness, and I will do it with confidence.” What would happen if we all tried our best? If we developed our finest self now, while we are single?

I believe confidence is a game changer. I believe self-love breaks the stereotype of single life. We can all benefit from looking in the mirror everyday and proclaiming, “I am a boss ass b**tch,” or something similar. Let’s change the world while we are single.

Thanks for reading,

Lindsay xxx

People are good, right?

I like to believe that those I love will always have good intentions. Despite this, I am very careful with who I trust. I avoid vulnerable conversations because when you are vulnerable, you open yourself to hurt.

This week I am struggling to believe that people are good. I have watched as close friends dissolve our friendship. I denied inappropriate advances from a supposed friend. I watched someone go through undeniable pain as they were betrayed. I listened as many people told me how they were mistreated by their family.

These conversations have been very difficult. They have added fuel to the fire I believe in. They justify my mistrust of people. A mistrust I know is wrong.

To combat these feelings, I turned to the bible to decipher what Christ says about trust and love. He thinks quite differently than me. I’m not surprised. My lesson was revealed in Luke 22:54-62. The story of Peter’s denial of Jesus. 

Peter was one of Jesus’ 12 apostles, one of his closest confidants. After Jesus is arrested, to later be hung on the cross, Peter denies knowing Jesus. He does not deny Jesus once, but three times. Peter betrays Jesus’ trust in the most unspeakable way; by denying his belief in Christ.

I read this story over and over. I could not believe the severity of this betrayal. Jesus loved Peter an incredible amount, but Peter betrayed his very existence. Peter spoke love in one moment and spoke hate immediately after. Can you even imagine that hurt?

Let’s look closely at the last two verses,

61 And the Lord turned and looked at Peter. And Peter remembered the saying of the Lord, how he had said to him, “Before the rooster crows today, you will deny me three times.” 62 And he went out and wept bitterly.

~ Luke 22:61-62

Peter has to look into the eyes of Jesus and acknowledge his sin. He knew the cruelty of what he had done.

As I poured over this story I had a realization. I realized the most powerful element is not that Peter denied Jesus. The most powerful part is that Jesus knew Peter would betray him. Jesus is all knowing, but he chose to love and trust Peter despite his forthcomings. He loved Peter knowing that he would severely hurt him.

He even warns Peter a couple days prior that he will betray him in Luke 22:34. Let’s just take a second and recognize how unbelievable this is. IT IS CRAZY! I doubt any of us has the strength to do this…

Jesus chooses to trust and love someone who will ultimately betray him. Someone who will break his heart. Jesus put Peters’ needs first. He recognizes that Peter is broken. He knew that he was hurting, so he saved him. Peter is just like you or me, a person so undeserving of trust, but who gets it anyways.

After reading this story I felt convicted in my thoughts. Because yes, I have been betrayed, but unknowingly so. I do not make a habit of befriending people who hurt me. I do not extend grace when I receive hate. I love when it is convenient. But Jesus loves when it hurts. 

So I decided to re evaluate my week. It wasn’t as awful as I believed.

This week I was asked to be a bridesmaid in one of my best friends wedding. This week I felt the earth’s cool breathe, as snow, one of my favourite things, blanketed my town. This week, I was told by a dear friend how much she loves me.

This week, I finished a beautiful book about intimacy in relationships. The kind of book that makes you stop and thank God for the words he gives us. The kind of book that leaves you speechless, that changes how you think.

In the end we know that people will hurt us. The bible warns us of this over and over again. But if no one has the power to hurt you, then you are living a false life, at least according to Jesus. 

Relationships, friendships, love, it takes vulnerability and trust. When you disclose your insecurities you are handing someone a loaded gun. They now have the power to destroy you. And sometimes they will.

But here is the challenge. Jesus calls us to so much more. He calls us to trust  and love fearlessly. Even if we do not agree with the end of the story.

Thanks for reading,

Lindsay, xxx


How I’m loved, when I’m broken.

I am currently living in a world of grey. I am unsure of where to go, what to do, or who I am supposed to be. I would love to pretend that my anxiety isn’t there or it is easy to go with the flow, but the truth is my life is broken.

It is broken because of a recent job loss –a loss, by the way, I didn’t ask for– but was given nonetheless. With this lay off, I have been given the gift of time. This gift is positive because I can figure out what I want, but is simultaneously negative, because I have no clue what I want.

With this time I find myself turning quite frequently to scripture. Normally I don’t have the best record with reading my bible. But God delivers his word when we most need it.

The other day I opened my bible to a passage –Romans 8—where it talks about a life led by the Holy Spirit. The following verses stood out to me:

26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. 28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  ~ Romans 8:26-28

First, Paul talks about how the Holy Spirit guides us in our failings. This applies very well to my life right now. I’ve lost a full time job and have few prospects on the horizon. I do not know which direction to take, and I have too many options. I often find myself overwhelmed with choices. Fundamentally I am “weak.” 

Paul challenges us to look towards Christ in our weak state. He writes that when we don’t know our plans, the spirit will guide us. Essentially no matter how broken we feel, God will mend us for his purpose. I love this, that the “spirit will intercede when we are wordless.” When we have no words left, God delivers the perfect prose. God loves to use flawed people, people like you or me.

Moreover, I would argue that God uses us most in our flawed state. At least, this is true for me. Before I moved to Lethbridge I was in the toughest battle of my life against mental illness. This wasn’t always my battle, but I was drowning in cynical thinking.

I had pushed God out of my life, and he allowed me to live without him. It is not a place I would recommend. I had fallen so hard into darkness that I convinced myself I would never succeed. Yet God had an ulterior motive; he brought me to E-Free, he pushed me into leadership, and he used me, despite my vulnerabilities.

Christ allowed me to fall so he could catch me. I desperately wish I could say that is the end of the story. Sadly, the struggles haven’t stopped there.

I still battle self-doubts; in fact, I battle them every. single. day. I try to ignore these doubts, but they are bricks pelting my bubble of self-confidence, and they are stronger.

I keep trying to push my doubts away. Most days I don’t feel valuable enough to keep going. I never feel worthy of the leadership God’s given me.

Despite that, God has already used me. That’s what he does. He searches our hearts and gives us purpose, even if we are failing. As Christians we are not pristine, we are called to be more like Christ. We will always be a work in progress.

We are told, in verses like these, through weakness God provides strength. Through ineptitude, God demonstrates his grace. Through hesitation, God provides vision. God loves broken people. He uses broken people, people like you and me.

Isn’t this amazing? He uses us when we have nothing to give!

So we must wait, and be patient. God will use us. In hindsight, you can probably see the path he’s drawn and where he has placed you. He uses you despite all insecurities.

I am, without a shadow of a doubt, broken. I am the furthest from perfect, and the closest to crooked. That won’t stop him. 

As Carl Lenz, a pastor from Harvest Church, so eloquently states, “You can choose to let your brokenness be a barrier or a platform.” This time I would like my brokenness to be a platform. Who knows, maybe God will do something truly amazing.

Thanks for reading,

xxx Lindsay

Living with a Restless Heart

I, like many others, have trouble living in the world of now. I struggle to be complacent with where I am. I find myself always looking to the future. Despite my best efforts I always see the grass as greener on the other side.

Being restless is hard. It means that you crave change, you live for spontaneity. You don’t agree with the 9-5 work life and you never will. I believe these are important traits. They allow you to choose the alternative.

The “restless” are dangerous because they challenge social norms. We strive for more, and we are never willing to give up. People with restless hearts will purchase plane tickets rather than mortgages. We live for the next thrill, the next moment of change.

I know having this heart can be a challenge. I find that it leads to a lot of introspection, a lot of doubt, and a lot of criticism. I find that one day I believe so strongly in one cause, and the next day I don’t. I live in a world of opposites. Because you guessed it, my thoughts, my feelings, they are restless.

I don’t know how to properly define the thoughts I feel. The anger I have towards the life planned from a to z.  I do not solely desire social constraints, such as marriage, children, mortgage, a sedimentary state. I try to avoid feeling attached to a place, because I am always fighting the urge to leave.

I spite of these frustrations, I honestly believe these thoughts, and feelings, are okay. I am allowed to feel this way. But I cannot let these feelings change every part of me. I cannot let them destroy friendships, relationships, family, while chasing my wanderings. My restless heart needs a bit of a leash.

So what do I do to tame the untamed? I challenge myself to find happiness in the mundane.

Why am I doing this? Because I do not want my restless heart to define me. I do not want to wake up in a different country, happy because I did something, but lost because I have nothing. I do not want to lose my community. I want to pursue a life that is filled with relationships. I want my world to be surrounded by love.

I am working on my restless heart because I have discovered something truly magical about life. It is those simple moments that make it so amazing. It is those simple moments that I remember the most.

The moment when you hug your best friend, or laugh with your husband, or fight with your sister. When you pray and find that God grants you the courage to face another day. Or even when you splash in a puddle on a rainy day.

I am trying to live with abandon, and still love simplicity. I want to find joy in a smile, a good cup of coffee, a great book, despite how mundane that all seems.

I love my restless heart. It is because of this heart that I have lived in so many places, had so many adventures, and loved endlessly. My restless heart allows me to accept change, and see the positive in every day. My restless heart may be tamed, but it sure as hell allows me to be free.

Thanks for reading,

Lindsay xxx